Why I Can Never Get Anything Done

I tried to write something today, and I was a good way into it before I became totally bored with it. I do a good amount of throwing crap against the wall to see what sticks already, but I didn’t feel the need to soldier on and provide half baked post for the entire internet to see. (again) Anyway, I needed an excuse to show pictures of my half furnished house, red eyes and our damaged blinds. Oh yeah, not to mention the many reasons I can never get anything done.


Re: The Beard

Yes, this is a blog about minivans. However, allow me a little latitude for the moment, to take this time out to discuss (yes this is rather late) the surge in facial hair on men.

Now, I grew my beard out about ten years ago out of necessity; the necessity of me not shaving every damned day. But these new cats, they are doing all kinds of things to their beard to make their beard more friendly to the non-bearded. Weekly trims, usage of beard silkeners, beard softeners, beard butters, fruits and berries, etc. to give their beard a certain luster and softness that doesn’t naturally grow out of your face. I’m opposed to such upkeep. It goes against the very reason to grow a beard, which is to cut time in the mirror to a minimum. The last thing a man with a beard needs to be doing is spending more time maintaining a beard, than he would if he just shaved it off everyday.

The growth of a beard is an act of rebellion. It is a bold step into non-conformity that says, we reject the notions of good grooming and a healthy fashion sense. It says, we are not afraid to walk around with food particles in our beard. It says, we are not afraid scratch the necks of loved ones when we are giving out full throttled masculine affection. It also says, in no uncertain terms YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

But I digress, as a long time beard wearer, I’m not opposed to the trend. The more people that wear beards, means the more people get comfortable with facial hair in the workplace. And the more people get comfortable with facial hair in the workplace, means the closer I get to go to work looking like Bill Cosby in Uptown Saturday night. So, let’s keep up the good work gentlemen, you too beard dandies.

Year In Review 2010

It’s been a wonderful year. In my mind I was coming up with topics for my minivan blog left and right. I was punching out posts with elegant prose and blistering wit as I commented on the world outside my minivan. The material was writing itself. The people were waiting in imaginary lines waiting to read what great adventures I encountered in our beautiful minivan. The days were not long enough.

But enough about that. This blog is not abandoned, and despite being on an involuntary-self-imposed-hiatus-not-because-I-had-more-important-shit-to-do-but-because-I’m-a-lazy-non-writing-bum I will update this blog. Because if there is one thing I am sure of; it’s that the glory of the minivan shouldn’t be a secret just to us family minded people who have to haul around loads of kids, no it should be a treasure for us all. So stay tuned my friends, the might of the minivan returns!

What’s that smell?

It happens so easily.   The pace of the day allows the little things to go unattended.  Daily commutes can get ugly on any given day: school drop off / pick up, work, saxophone lessons, guitar lessons, soccer practice twice a week, soccer games on Saturdays, as well as the spontaneous late night nacho runs from Taco Cabana.  It gets crazy in these streets.

Frequently we find ourselves doing things in the minivan that a responsible minivan owner might avoid.  (not the van-a-rockin’ variety)  Domestic activities that are typically done in the comfort of our home might happen in the minivan regularly: shoe removal, sock removal, change clothes, store heavy jackets, mail sorting, eat breakfast, eat lunch, eat dinner, pass gas and in the rare occasion of down time recline the captains chair and sleep.  All of these activities bring with them a certain level of debris and odor.  Nothing overtly foul, just one of those things that puts a wrinkle in your nose. 

As the man of the house, ultimately the responsibility of maintaining the cleanliness of the vehicle falls on me.  However, combatting the onslaught of Now’n’Later wrappers, left foot socks, discarded sweaters and abandoned Chick-Fil-A cups is a task made only for the committed.  I am not that committed.  My time spent not working divided by the number of things that do not pay me would leave no time to ‘chillax’. (as my eldest daughter would say)  So if you ever get into our beloved Dodge Caravan, and the air isn’t quite as fresh as you would like it to be, just remember what you’re smelling was once a burrito.  Let us know if it offends you, we’ll get to it the weekend after next.